Acting President
NewsFiction: A speculative (mostly accurate) play-by-play about JD Vance invoking the 25th Amendment. Told exactly the way it would happen. If it happened. Which it won't.
JD Vance didn’t want to risk doing anything this important just steps away from the Oval Office.
There was a non-zero chance the president might wander in unexpectedly. Possibly looking for the toilet.
Or a Filet-O-Fish.
Maybe both. Killing two birds with one stone.
No, the West Wing was too risky.
Besides, Vance’s workspace there was surprisingly cramped. Especially for this many people. The start of an epic coup was far better suited to his ceremonial office in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building.
Plus, it was nice to finally use the damn place.
He would be back in the White House soon enough - oh, would he ever - but Vance was determined to mark this moment from just across the parking lot, sitting at the head of his large mahogany table. Until now, he only ever went there when he needed some “alone time.”
Today he was not alone.
Vance giggled to himself as Marco Rubio entered first and sat down on the sofa. Those cushions had stories to tell.
Seated around Rubio was most of Trump’s Cabinet. Not all of them. But enough.
Vance didn’t need them all.
Just a majority to officially invoke the 25th Amendment.
The Letter
The decision should’ve come sooner. Much sooner. The president had been acting crazy long before he basically threatened to nuke Iran. But today it felt necessary to finally assert that Donald Trump was no longer able to govern.
The group that assembled in the room had already made up their minds. This was just a formality. Vance now only had to sign the letter.
It was addressed to Speaker Mike Johnson and President pro tempore Chuck Grassley. It read:
“Pursuant to Section 4 of the 25th Amendment to the United States Constitution, we transmit this written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Effective immediately, the Vice President shall assume said powers and duties as Acting President.”
The other defectors signed under Vance’s name. Eight additional signatures. The bare minimum needed to change the course of history.
If this plan actually worked.
“So, now what?”
The vice president was about to become the Acting President. But the letters - there were two - still needed to be delivered to make it official. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to do it.
The Coup Mule
Instead, they summoned a 24-year-old junior staffer.
“One for Johnson, one for Grassley,” Vance said, his voice quivering between joy and fear. “Don’t stop for anyone.”
She nodded the nod of someone who has no idea what she’s actually been asked to do. Vance knew that look well. It was sort of his signature.
At least she had an excuse.
But never mind the what. It was still pretty cool to be called on to carry something seemingly important - in reality, the most volatile documents in American history - and to be escorted to the Capitol by the vice president’s Secret Service detail.
Definitely better than another grim DC happy hour.
The unnamed junior staffer first went to the Speaker’s office. She handed over one of the manila folders. Johnson’s chief of staff stamped it.
This was the first moment of transmission.
It was also the start of a weird legal gray area where the second letter still needed to be delivered to officially start the clock on Vance’s reign as Acting President.
But once she handed over the second letter to Team Grassley for their time stamp, the coup mule had successfully - though unknowingly - reassigned the nuclear codes to Vance.
Trump’s were deactivated.
The nuclear “football” - the briefcase that followed him around - was now good only as a stool. Seriously. It’s sturdy and well constructed. You could confidently sit on it and eat your lunch.
But with both letters delivered, it was useless for bombing Iran “back to the stone age."
Donald Trump technically remained president. He just didn’t have any power.
And he still didn’t know.
Someone Had to Tell Him
The door opened to the Oval Office. The president looked up from his cell phone to see his White House Counsel and Susie Wiles, his chief of staff, enter the room.
“Who’s Marcello Hernandez?” the president asked.
“He’s a comedian, sir. He’s on Saturday Night Live.”
Susie was used to answering random questions at random times. This was normal.
“Well his mom is kinda hot. Anyway, what’s up?”
His Counsel stepped up.
“Sir, the Vice President and a majority of the Cabinet have transmitted a Section 4 declaration to the Hill. As of three minutes ago, by operation of law, JD Vance is the Acting President.”
“Say that again.”
“Sir, the Vice President and a majority of the Cabinet have transmitted a Section 4 declaration …”
Susie stepped in.
“Sir, they invoked the 25th Amendment. They don’t think you’re mentally capable of doing this job. JD Vance is now in power.”
There was a long pause. The president finally broke the silence.
“We should invite Marcello Hernandez and his mom to the White House.”
“Sir, I don’t think you understand what I just said,” Susie explained. “You are basically no longer president.”
For five more minutes they explained the seriousness of the situation to Donald Trump. At one point Wiles sketched it out on a legal pad. She drew stick figures.
The president added boobs.
But, finally, he understood the gravity. And not knowing what to do next - but always pretending - he hollered out his plan of action.
“Fire them! Fire them all!”
“You can’t,” Susie explained. “You literally have no power. I’m not even sure you have internet.”
He did. Vance hadn’t cut it off. Rookie mistake.
Still, for his official response Trump couldn’t just post something on Truth. He would have to use paper.
Thirty minutes later, the president struck back.
It was a defiant one-paragraph letter on White House stationery that arrived at the Speaker’s office:
“I am fully capable of discharging my DUTIES. This is an illegal coup by a Vice President who has lost his way. No inability exists. I am resuming my office immediately. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”
He signed it: DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Seeing his name written in all-caps nearly restored blood flow to his dormant willy.
Nearly.
Maybe next time.
The capitalization of “DUTIES” was nothing more than an Easter egg for Elon Musk, who thought the word “doody” was funny. He and Trump were still secretly close, and it was actually rather sweet that the president thought of him, even in this moment.
And it was certainly a moment.
Under the Constitution, this letter technically restored Trump’s powers. But only for about the time it took to listen to “Free Bird.”
Vance and the Cabinet had anticipated the dispute. So, within minutes - well before the four-day deadline - they sent their second letter back to Congress, reaffirming that the President was unfit. It was a technicality, so they didn’t put much thought into it.
Basically: “Nuh-uh.”
But this second letter froze the status quo: JD Vance remained Acting President, and the clock started ticking.
The Vote
Congress now had 21 days to decide the fate of the presidency. It was pure drama. And an entire nation watched.
At least until they all switched over to Netflix.
Short attention spans.
But as two men fought for the mantle of leadership, the law recognized only Vance. He was Acting President.
His beard itched more than usual. These were tense times.
The whole thing was chaos.
Especially when White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt completely blew a gasket after a CNN reporter had the “audacity” to ask for comment.
“Typical liberal media,” she yelled during the daily briefing, her eyes rolling back into her head. “I wish you had shown the same level of interest when President Trump was awarded the Arby’s Peace Prize.”
Leavitt added, “But, no. You don’t report that.”
They don’t.
While Leavitt sparred with the press, the real clock was ticking.
Finally, there was a vote on the Hill.
The atmosphere in the House Chamber was electric. To remove a President via the 25th Amendment is harder than impeachment. It requires a two-thirds supermajority in both the House and the Senate.
Nobody knew what to do.
Of course they didn’t. We’re talking about our elected leaders.
In the House, Speaker Johnson called the vote. After six hours of debate, the tally flashed on the screen: 292-143. The two-thirds threshold was met.
Over in the Senate, Senator Grassley presided over a somber roll call. The final vote was 67-33.
By the narrowest possible margin, Congress had officially determined the President “unable.” It was over. Donald Trump was no longer in charge.
Not of the White House. Not of America.
Not of his Filet-O-Fish..
Trump was on the toilet when he got the news.
So it goes.